Wednesday Woody

TRIGGER FINGERING

With an erection, grab the penis base with one hand and gently pull the outer shaft skin downward toward your pubic hair. Use the other hand to stroke the upper shaft, in the opposite direction. Also try clasping the head in your fingertips while keeping the shaft skin pulled down toward the base. Then try using one of those fingers on the upper hand to "trigger" the highly sensitive spot on the underside of the head. This tugging upward on the head of your penis while keeping the skin tightened on the shaft also stretches the skin along the entire underside of the shaft, producing strong, steady impulses of pleasure. You can also try this kind of "trigger fingering" while carefully pulling your testicles downward between your thighs, or pressing and rubbing gently on your perineum behind the scrotum with the other hand.



Kool Testicles

Place 2 or 3 ice cubes in a small Zip-Loc bag and remove as much air from inside the bag as possible, as this will help prevent the bag from rolling around. Then place the bag under your scrotum and find a comfortable location to rest your testicles on the bag. It might feel a little different or cold at first, but leave it there. Now start your usual session and enjoy. You might want to move the bag around to find the perfect spot.


Semen Stain Remover

I find there's a somewhat easier and more reliable solution to remove semen stains. The use of borax or the related Oxy-Clean-type products can go a long way toward keeping one's whites white, and at least the former generally won't harm colors. Enzymatic treatments (like Spray 'n' Wash) are probably also worth a mention over dish soap, since they're geared toward removing proteins. Of course, once the dryer has baked any remaining sugars and proteins into the fabric, it's generally too late.



THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A SMALL PENIS



* "I've smoked fatter joints than that."
* "Ahh, it's cute."
* "I'm sorry."
* "Who circumcised you?"
* "Why don't we just cuddle?"
* "You know they have surgery to fix that."
* "It's more fun to look at."
* "Make it dance."
* "You know... there's a tower in Italy like that."
* "Wow, and your feet are so big."
* "My last boyfriend was 4" bigger."
* "It's OK, we'll work around it."
* "Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?"
* "Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh."
* (giggle and point)
* "Can I be honest with you?"
* "My 8-year-old brother has one like that."
* "Let me go get my tweezers."
* "How sweet, you brought incense."
* "This explains your car."
* "Maybe if we water it, it'll grow."
* "Thanks, I needed a toothpick."
* "Are you one of those pygmies?"
* "Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?"
* "All right, a treasure hunt!"
* "I didn't know they came that small."
* "Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?"
* "At least this won't take long."
* "Let's just stick with your hand."
* "Do you need a splint to prop that up."
* "How interesting..."
* "I never saw one like that before."
* "But it still works right?"
* "Do you take steroids?"
* "I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick."
* "Maybe it looks better in natural light."
* "I think there's a dildo around here somewhere."
* "Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?"
* "Let me know when you're done."
* "Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident."
* "Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?"
* "Aww, it's hiding."
* "Are you cold?"
* "Is that an optical illusion?"
* "What is that?"
* "Does this run in your family?"
* "I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry."
* "Were you neutered?"
* "It's a good thing you have so many other talents."
* "Does it come with an air pump?"
* "So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality."
* "Where are the puppet strings?"
* "Deep throat? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!"
* "Your big gun is more like a BB gun."
* "Can you get this pencil out of me now?"
* "Do I hang my hat on it?"
* "Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!"
* "Don't hold back."
* "Nevermind, why bother?"