Wednesday Woody

Sex toy suspect 'outed' in shop window

By MATTHEW TORBIT

A Wellington sex store owner is defending his "name and shame" tactics after posting a photo of a man, suspected of shoplifting a penis pump, in his shop window.

The Erox Lifestyle Centre, on the corner of Vivian and Cuba streets, has caught the eye of passers-by for not the usual reasons after staff put up the photo. A security footage photo features a man who allegedly put the $109.95 sex aid under his hoodie and left the shop without paying. A note above the photo says: "When will he pay for the penis pump he stole?"

Auckland-based Erox director John Frew said he was fed up with shoplifting from his nine North Island stores and the recently employed tactic had resulted in several people returning to pay for stolen items.

Shoplifting was usually reported to police, but he had found that unless the thief was instantly recognised by officers, cases were not followed up.

"Shoplifting tends to be at the bottom of the priority list for police. All I want is the man who accidently put the penis pump up his jumper and left the store to come back and pay for it."

Mugshots of suspected shoplifters were also posted online. The company's website featured security photos of another five people who allegedly took items from other stores.

Mr Frew said security cameras had only recently been installed in his two Wellington shops and the alleged penis pump thief was the capital's first to grace his wanted list.

Wellington lawyer John Edwards, who specialises in privacy law, said the tactic was risky and delved into a grey area of law. The man in the photo could possibly sue for defamation. "Mind you, truth is complete defence against defamation, so if this guy has taken the penis pump then it is unlikely to stand up in court."

Using security footage to deter shoplifting pushed privacy boundaries but was defendable, he said.

Consumers Institute chief executive David Russell said if the retailer correctly identified the shoplifter then that person was "fair game".





Judge ponders sentence

Janet French, Saskatchewan News Network
Published: Tuesday, August 29, 2006

NORTH BATTLEFORD -- A North Battleford judge is mulling over the appropriate sentence for a man who fondled a buddy sleeping on his couch after a night of drinking.

Thomas Earl Ziegenbein, 61, pleaded guilty to a charge of sexual assault for touching another man's penis while he slept on Oct. 7, 2005.

At a sentencing hearing Monday, Crown prosecutor Mitch Piche said the victim, whose identity is protected by a publication ban, has suffered as a result of the incident.

"He feels like less of a man," Piche said. "He was embarrassed by it, and had feelings of worthlessness on occasion."

The two, who were acquaintances, had been drinking together at a bar that October evening, Piche said, when Ziegenbein invited the victim to sleep on his couch for the night. The man fell asleep at about 4:30 a.m. and awoke at 5:30 a.m. to find Ziegenbein touching his penis, Piche said.

The victim froze, hoping the assault would soon stop, Piche said. Moments later, Ziegenbein's wife called out to him, and the assailant left the room, Piche said.

"He appears to be normally heterosexual, so that's a little unusual," Piche said in an interview.

Ziegenbein also pleaded guilty to breaching a court order in May not to drink alcohol.

On Monday, Ziegenbein apologized in court for the assault and said he hasn't had a drink since he was charged with breaching the May court order.

Ziegenbein's lawyer Kevan Migneault told the judge his client has an alcohol problem and is unemployed, and the assault wouldn't have happened if he was sober.

Piche asked the judge for a conditional sentence of 18 to 24 months, which would be served at home.

Migneault asked Ziegenbein be allowed to leave the house for medical appointments for migraine headache treatment and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

Piche also wants Ziegenbein's name added to the National Sex Offender Registry and a court order to stay away from the victim.

Judge Dan O'Hanlon reserved his decision Monday, saying he needed to look at other cases before sentencing Ziegenbein.

He'll back in court to hear his sentence Sept. 11 in North Battleford.



IKEA's latest catalogue has raised eyebrows around the world because a pet dog which features on the inside cover appears to have a human-sized penis.



The "unfortunate" image, as IKEA reps have described it, appears on page two of the Swedish furniture company's glossy new 2007 catalogue - of which 175 million copies have been printed and distributed to 35 countries, including Australia.

Reports say several Canadian customers have complained to IKEA about the image while blog postings on the net are abuzz with rumours that the dog's "Swedish sausage" is the result of a mischievous employee who digitally added the image using a program like Photoshop or placed a sex aid on the couch during the photo shoot.

"They dont know if it was a disgruntled employee who placed the big dildo there or just one of those photo magic moments where what you actually see is just a figment of your imagination," wrote one blogger.

Another said: "At first glance, it just looks like a happy family enjoying their IKEA furniture. But look closer. The dog seems to be enjoying the IKEA furniture a little too much."

IKEA's Canadian public relations manager, Madeleine Frick, agreed the image bears "an uncanny likeness" to a human appendage but insisted it is just the dog's leg.

"Our intent is not to offend anybody. There is a resemblance to something else, but it is in fact the dog's leg," she told the Globe and Mail.

Another IKEA public relations representative told CTV "the image had definitely not been tampered with."



Gay Parrot

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."