Friday Whitey

Making a Cake

A boy and his dad go to the beach and there is a couple making out, so the boy asks his father what they are doing. His dad replies, "They're making a cake." The boy says, "Oh." The next day they go to the zoo and there are two monkeys getting it on and a the boy asks his dad, "What are they doing?" His dad replies, "They're baking a cake." So they go home and the next day, the boy says to his dad, I know what you and mom were doing last night, you were baking a cake." The father asks the boy, "How do you know?" The boy replies with a big grin, "Because I licked the frosting off the sheets this morning."



Turner Brown

A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. This big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, "What's wrong with you?" In a very weak voice, the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around!"



The Cannibals

One day 3 guys got stranded on an island, and they were captured by cannibals. They begged for their lives, and the king cannibal said, "Ok I'll give you 2 trials. I'll tell you the first one now and the second one later. The first one is pick 10 fruits of the same kind." So they set off to get their fruits. The first guy came back to the king with 10 apples. The king says, "Ok now you have to shove them up your ass without flinching or anything." So he shoves the first one up the guy's ass but on the second one he flinches so they eat him and he goes to heaven. The second guys comes and the king tells him the 2nd trial. He has berries, so he shoves 9 up his ass and on the last one he laughs so they eat him and he goes to heaven. The first guy and the second guy meet up in heaven the first guy says to the second guy, "Why did you laugh? You coulda lived!" and the second guy says, I was fine until I saw the third guy coming with all those watermelons!"



Three dicks

There were 3 dicks standing on the corner. They were talking about how hard there lives are. The first dick said, "I have it the worst, my master plays with me all night." The second dick said, "No, I have it much worse than you, my master strokes me all night." The third dick says, "That's nothing, my master puts a plastic bag over my head, shoves me in a dark tunnel, and makes me do push ups until I puke."



Old folk oral sex

A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked, How often I should have it?" His grandfather told him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, and will maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."

The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, 'Fuck You', and I holler back, 'Fuck You' too."