Wednesday Woody

The United States spent $200,000.00 and two years studying why the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft. After two years the researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft simply for a mans pleasure.

The Germans did not think the Americans conducted an accurate study so they did the same study except they spent $300,000.00 and three years. After three years they determined that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft simply for the pleasure of women.

Now the Polish did not believe that the Germans or the Americans had any clue as to what they were studying. So the Polish did a study of their own and spent $400.00 and four weeks and concluded that the head of a man's penis was there so his hand would not slip off and hit him in the forehead.



The trial of penis pump judge Donald Thompson is waiting for a decision by the Oklahoma Court of Criminal Appeals on the constitutionality of the state property law under which Thompson has been charged for alleged misuse of a state computer.

Thompson's trial was scheduled to get underway last Monday but has been mired in legal delays and is now scheduled to proceed at 1:30 p.m. Tuesday. A jury has already been empaneled.

Former Creek County Judge Thompson has been charged with masturbating on the bench.

Defense attorneys had asked Tuesday for District Judge C. Allen McCall to recuse himself from the misdemeanor charge against Thompson for the alleged misuse of a state computer. Thompson's attorneys have vehemently argued to dismiss that charge, or to have it tried separately, saying it is an effort by prosecutors to prejudice Thompson before the jury. The charge alleges that Thompson placed pornographic photos of himself and a woman on his judicial computer. That woman is alleged to be Thompson's business partner, Angela McClanahan.

Thompson's attorneys also challenge that prosecutors can't prove who owns the computer and that the charge is unconstitutional. In documents filed with a subpoena request, Thompson's attorneys claim that pornographic material has been found on state-owned computers of three other Oklahoma judges. The judges were not named in the court documents.

Thompson's attorneys failed in their attempt for the recusal of Judge McCall. During an argument by defense attorney's about the law being overbroad and vague, McCall had mused if he might be in violation of the state law because he had placed something of a personal nature dealing with bass fishing on his office computer.

Defense attorneys immediately tried to force McCall to recuse himself which he denied as well as their motion to find the law unconstitutional. They appealed and on Friday, Washington County District Judge Janice Dreiling upheld McCall's decision, saying that she found no proof that McCall had acted in a biased manner towards Thompson on the computer charge.

Thompson, 59, is also facing four felony counts of indecent exposure. If convicted on all counts, he could face up to 41 years in prison.

The defense attorneys appealed Dreiling's decision to the appellate court which is expected to issue a ruling sometime Monday and if they hold the two lower court decisions, the trial will resume on Tuesday.

The case centers on complaints against Thompson made from two court stenographers who allegedly witnessed Thompson exposing himself while presiding at trials during 2002 and 2003.

DNA samples have reportedly been taken and processed by the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation. However, according to test results, there were no signs of Thompson's DNA on any of the materials seized from around the judge's bench including the carpet.

Thompson has denied the accusations and says that the pump seized was a gag gift from a friend. The sex toy and another one found under the bench will be admitted as evidence at trial and jurors will be allowed to see the sex toy.

Jurors for the murder trial told police that they heard whooshing noises coming from the bench during the proceeding.

Thompson's former court reporter for 18 years, has claimed to have seen the judge's penis "12 to 15 times" during trials. The evidence for the misdemeanor count of improper computer use reportedly provides significant support for the testimony of Foster and another court reporter about Thompson's actions on the bench from 2000 to 2003.



Scientists Grow Artificial Penis in Lab

It's now possible to replace a defective, damaged, or diseased penis with a penis grown in a laboratory -- in rabbits.

But the finding promises an amazing new treatment for infants, boys, and men who suffer penis disfigurement. The replacement organ would be grown on a penis-shaped matrix seeded with cells from the patient's own body.

Researcher Anthony Atala, MD, director of the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, reported the findings at this week’s annual meeting of the American Urological Association in Atlanta.

"Our goal is eventually to treat infants and adults with birth defects, penis trauma, or penis cancer," Atala tells WebMD. "But this is a future goal. We are now deciding which animal model to explore next."

While human trials are still far off, the Atala team's recent accomplishments make their goal highly credible. Atala and colleagues recently reported successfully using much the same technique to replace defective bladders in human children with spina bifida.

In the rabbit study, Atala's team removed the penises from rabbits and entirely replaced the organs with penises grown from the animal's own cells.
Atala says the new penises have blood vessels and nerves that allow them to become fully functional. Indeed, the replacement penises worked like a charm. The rabbits were able to get erections, mate with females, and get females pregnant with normal, healthy pups.



Prison guard's retrial date on sex charges set
21 June 2006

A Rimutaka Prison guard accused of a indecently assaulting a convicted sex offender is scheduled to face a second trial on July 12.

A Wellington District Court jury in May found the officer not guilty on one charge of indecent assault. But after 10 hours of deliberations, it could not reach a verdict on the remaining two charges.

The officer, whose name is suppressed, is alleged to have pinched the inmate on the bottom, touched him on his thigh near his buttocks and prodded his penis, each time through clothing.

The former inmate also alleged the officer leaned against a table where the inmate's hand was so it touched his scrotum.

The charges relate to incidents that allegedly happened in April 2005 in the prison kitchen.

In the first trial, Judge Bridget Mackintosh said the prosecution's case should be taken in context with discussions at the time about nudity and sex as well as the officer showing the inmate naked photos of himself.

The white-haired, bespectacled officer also showed the inmate his nipple piercing.


Three guys die and go to hell.

When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises.

"Oh, how are you going to do it", asks one of the guys.

"Whatever your fathers jobs were, that's how I'll remove them" says the devil.

So he calls over the first guy "Your father was a lumberjack... So I'll cut it off with a saw"

To the second guy he says "Your father was a blacksmith... So I'm going to burn it off"

As he calls the third guy over he notices he's smiling.

"Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends penises" says the devil.

"I know" replies the man "but my father was a popsicle maker"