Wednesday Woody

A cigarette and a penis were walking down the street. The cigarette said to the penis, "Hey, man, something really bad happened to me the other day! Someone pulled me out of my house, put my ass in his mouth, lit my hair on fire, and sucked air through my head. It hurt like hell!" The penis replied, "That's peanuts compared to what I have to go through every day! My boss puts me in a plastic bag, wraps his hand around me, and won't stop shaking me until I puke!"

Two construction workers were working the high beams. One was on the third floor, one on the first. The guy on the third floor needed a handsaw, but with all the construction noise, the other guy couldn't hear him. So the guy on the third floor decided to use hand signals. He pointed to his eye for "I," he pointed to his knee for "need," then moved his hands back and forth for "handsaw." The guy on the first floor dropped his pants and started masturbating. The guy on the third floor ran down to the first floor and said, "What the hell are you doing? All I wanted was a handsaw!" The guy on the first floor said, "I just wanted to tell you I was coming."

One day, a kid walks in on his brother and his girlfriend having sex. He says, "What are you doing?" and his brother replies, "I'm playing poker — she's the queen and I'm the king. The kid leaves, not knowing any better.

About a week later, the boy walks in on his parents having sex and says, "Dad, what are you doing?" and his father replies, "I'm playing poker — she's the queen and I'm the king." He leaves again, not knowing any better.

The next day, the boy's brother walks in on him masturbating and says, "What are you doing?" and the kid says, "I'm playing poker." "Where's the queen?" his brother asks, and the kid replies, "Why do I need a queen when I've got a hand like this?"

At an art exhibition, a couple was viewing a painting of three naked, very dark-skinned men sitting on a park bench. The men on the ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a pink penis. While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out, the artist walked by. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes," said the gentleman. "Why is it the man in the middle has a pink penis?"

"Oh," said the artist. "They're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch."