Wednesday Woody

You have the pictures now get down to business.


THE BAGGIE & THE MATTRESS

Get a plastic sandwich baggie and put some Vaseline in it. Then put your penis in and squish all the Vaseline around so it covers your penis. Once that is done, kneel in front of a bed. Lift the up mattress and put your penis, with the baggie still on it, between the mattress and the box-spring. Start pumping as if you were having sex. When you're done, all you have to do is throw away the baggie.



"ORAL" SIMULATION

To simulate the feeling of lips sliding over the penis head: Lube up your erection and hold the shaft in one hand. Put your dominant hand's index and middle fingers together horizontally, palm toward your face, in front of the penis head. Push the head into the gap between the fingers. The fingers should be relaxed, not tense. Now pull back and do this over and over the top third of the penis. Feel how the fingers conform to the penis's contour as they slide over the head and back. As you do this, position your other hand behind the "lips," and grip and squeeze the head as you push the penis in.




THE KLEENEX "CONDOM"

You can make a very effective "condom" of sorts for masturbation (not for intercourse!) using Kleenex tissues (preferably the lotioned kind). Start with 5 tissues (you can adjust the number depending on your penis size), fold 3 of the tissues in half along the crease that's usually there, and then wrap them around the base of your penis. Drape the other two tissues over the top opening so you can hold onto the edges with your hand. Then move up and down, and you've got yourself an easy, pleasurable ejaculation cleanup that can be flushed away with ease. You may want to make sure the whole thing is totally soaked through before flushing; otherwise it may plug up the toilet.



BANANA MAN

This is an easy one. Simply peel a banana (you can eat it later), slip the peel over your penis, and masturbate with it. The banana slime is a great lubricant. You can warm up the peel in the microwave for added sensations. Also, you might have better results if you peel the banana by making just one cut in the peel and removing the fruit through the single cut; you can then cut off the end of the banana peel and insert your penis through that end.



LORD OF THE RING

If you like "slow torture"-type techniques, you may love this one. It's pretty easy to do but takes some explaining. First, get your erection going with some lube. When you have a good erection, cup your scrotum with the hand you normally don't masturbate with. Now, make a "ring" (like an "okay" sign) with the thumb and index finger of your other (masturbation) hand. Using a "Backhand" grip, wrap your thumb and index finger around the base of your penis as close to your scrotum as possible. Now you're good to go. Start by massaging your balls a couple of times with your first hand. Stop. Next, using the ring you made with your masturbation hand, begin twisting back and forth at the base of your shaft. (Do not grip your penis with the rest of your hand. Just twist with the "ring.") Keep twisting while *slowly* pulling the finger ring up along your shaft toward your head, traveling about one-quarter of an inch every few twists. Depending on your penis size, you should reach your corona (rim of the head) in 10 or more twists. Once there, pause and squeeze the "ring" tightly around your corona, and then drive the ring down your shaft like a plunger. When you reach the base, pause, massage your scrotum with your other hand, and start the whole thing all over again. Ideally you'll have a good, long session before you finally explode.