in2underwear

MASTURBATING an elephant in the cause of science isn’t an easy job – just ask wildlife expert Dr Thomas Hildebrandt.

Just touching a jumbo penis – they measure more than 1.5metres when aroused – can have painful consequences as German scientist Dr Hildebrandt reveals.

He said: “One guy I know got a black eye from being hit by an elephant’s penis.

“When you touch an elephant there it starts to flick backwards and forwards and it’s so strong it can knock you off your feet. It’s such a strong movement.”

Dr Hildebrandt, a world expert on elephant and rhino reproduction demonstrates how it should be done in BBC2’s Horizon: The Elephant’s Guide To Sex screened on March 20.

His mission is to help endangered species get into the mood for love and give them a hand - quite literally – to boost their dwindling populations.

In the programme, he bids to help elephants Jackson and Christy – who lives in US zoos 1,200 miles apart – to produce a baby.



Paramount Buys Rights to Nerve.com Sex Columnist's Book

After many years of Sex and the City, it's hard to not think of Sarah Jessica Parker and her Carrie Bradshaw when there is talk of a sex columnist in New York City. But where Carrie mused more about relationships and didn't get much racier than modelizers and bed talk, Grant Stoddard could probably make Samantha blush. After dropping out of school in London, he started to work for Nerve as a sex columnist. There would be no Mr. Big, so to speak, but experimentation -- he dipped his toes, or other parts, into whatever scheme the online mag cooked up for him. This included sex, orgies, gay bars and for his final piece in 2004, Stoddard literally f*cked himself with a replica of his own penis. That's work dedication most of us don't have.

Fast-forward a few years -- now his book, Working Stiff: A Memoir, is resting on shelves, telling the story of his move to New York City, and the things he faced in the name of Nerve. To top off this achievement, the man is going to see his professional adventures on the big screen. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Paramount Vantage has bought the rights to Stoddard's memoir and Emily Cook and Kathy Greenberg will pen the adaptation. This sounds like the sort of thing that could make for a really solid comedy, if it doesn't fall prey to the myriad of over-done plot traps floating out there. If they end it as he did in his column, the movie should be worth it.

by Monika Bartyzel




Kitten mutilator says Swissair traumatized him

A Halifax man who used a pair of scissors to snip the genitals off a seven-week-old kitten last April is claiming he suffers from post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Dennis Perrault, 39, who pleaded guilty in the fall to two counts of animal cruelty, was in Halifax provincial court Tuesday to be sentenced for the gruesome act that directly led to the kitten’s death. However, Judge Anne Derrick chose to reserve her decision until March 30.

Tigger, a black and white kitten purchased by Mr. Perrault from a Halifax woman on April 22, died May 4 during an emergency operation to reconnect its urethra.

A week earlier, Mr. Perrault, in the presence of his 10-year-old daughter, cut off the kitten’s testicles and part of its penis using a pair of scissors and no anesthetic.

During his submissions, defence lawyer Peter Mancini insisted his client wasn’t trying to neuter the animal. He said Mr. Perrault told him he doesn’t know why he hurt the kitten, except that he is suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Mr. Mancini said Mr. Perrault has worked since the age of 18, when he joined the Naval Reserves in his native province of Quebec.

For awhile, he said, his client served with HMCS Quebec, one of the first vessels on scene at the 1998 crash of Swissair Flight 111. Mr. Perrault’s main role was helping to recover the remains of the 229 victims.

His client is still trying to cope with the stress of that ordeal, Mr. Mancini told the court.

He said Mr. Perrault was also mugged shortly before he hurt the kitten, an incident that left him with a broken jaw. He’s had several operations over the past months to repair the damage, Mr. Mancini said, and was taking pain medication at the time of the April incident.

Crown attorney Susan MacKay isn’t buying the defence, claiming that if the "tortuous treatment" wasn’t an attempt to castrate the kitten, then it was simply "gratuitous cruelty."

She is asking for between three and four months in jail, as well as more than $2,000 in restitution for veterinary bills and other costs. She also wants a lifetime ban to prevent Mr. Perrault from owning animals, a mental health assessment and counselling.

Mr. Mancini asked for 12 months’ probation, suggesting a three-month conditional sentence only if the court feels jail time is necessary.

Mr. Perrault had little to say when given a chance to address the court, opting for a simple apology.

"Well, first I’d like to say I’m really sorry for my actions," he said with a hint of a French accent. "And I’m really sorry for what it did to my daughter. I lost a lot of trust from her.

"I don’t know what else to say."

Mr. Perrault refused further comment outside the courtroom, pushing through a group of reporters and ducking into the men’s washroom.

Minutes later he emerged, a tuque pulled low over his face, and made a beeline out the front door.